, December 2002

I remember during the months prior to my first profession asking a Sister who had taught me in elementary school and had known me for years how I would know whether making vows is the right thing to do. I was hoping for a tell-tale sign, or perhaps a formula that I could calculate that could give me the clarity that I was seeking. Instead she basically told me that I never really would know. . . before I made my vows that is. The clarity that I was seeking would only come after living wholeheartedly into the choice that I was making and continually seeking the fruits of the Holy Spirit (an increase in joy, love, peace. . . ) in that living.

I’ve never forgotten that lesson on discernment and have passed it on freely and happily at times when I'm asked the same question. 

Discerning the will of God in our lives does not have to be the daunting and mysterious task that we might think it is. Discerning God’s will in our lives requires only that we allow God into our decision making and be open to the movement of the Holy Spirit . . . wherever that might lead us.

Ah, that openness thing. Let’s talk about that. If you’ve ever wanted something so badly that you dismissed all other options and worked diligently toward your goal only to be left restless and empty after gaining the object of your desire then you know the experience of being blinded by your attachments. 

The beginning of discernment is a disposition or attitude of the heart called interior freedom. Interior freedom is the emotional, cognitive and spiritual detachment from a particular outcome. It's the attitude that allows God to be God in our lives. It's a stance of humility on our part that acknowledges that when we allow our best selves to be worked on by the love of God then anything can happen, that what we thought was good for us may not be the best scenario, and what we thought was so far-fetched might be the very thing that brings us the fundamental peace and contentment that are the hallmarks of a life lived in unison with the movement of the Holy Spirit in our lives. A disposition of interior freedom means that we can be surprised by God. It also means that we can acknowledge that sometimes we have our own agendas or preconceived ideas of how things should be in our lives and that they can subtly influence our choices and decisions, keeping us from looking at other possibilities, a good greater than our own or painful realities about ourselves.

Interior freedom resides in our understanding and belief that the options before us are fundamentally good. Most of us don’t live our lives laboring over the decision of whether to seek gainful employment or rob banks for a living. Options that are clearly not of God are usually fairly blatant to most of us. It’s the options that are competing goods that cause us to step back and seriously consider what might be for the greater good and what is, as St. Ignatius of Loyola writes, for the greater glory of God.

In his Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius speaks of “inordinate attachments,” those things that rob us from seeing a bigger picture or a greater or deeper possibility. All sorts of things can limit our interior freedom. Poor or inflated self-image, material attachments, addictions, psychological or health issues, fear, certain images of God all have the potential to rob us of the freedom that we need to make choices that are in service to God, our most authentic selves and others.

There may not be any such thing in our lives as a pure motive, but acquiring a disposition and attitude of interior freedom before God can help us to keep our sights on seeking the presence of deep and lasting joy, peace and love in our lives wherever they might be.

Take some time during these weeks of Advent and Christmas, these seasons of great longing and joy, to consider and pray with your own deep longings. Ask God to grant you freedom of heart and openness to the Spirit so that you can better recognize the presence of Emmanuel, God With Us in your life.

— Sister Mary Pellegrino

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