, January 2003

Remember that first blush of love? The infatuation and your self-consciousness in the presence of your beloved? The awkwardness of trying to figure out what to say, when to say it, how to say? The rush of emotion when you knew that your beloved not only noticed you but wanted to be with you, too.

Now try to remember when you first began to pray, your self-consciousness in the presence of God, the awkwardness of trying to figure out what to say, when to say it, how to say it; the rush of emotions when you discovered that God not only notices you, but wants to be in your presence.

Far-fetched analogy? Not if you’re serious about discernment and about developing the discipline of living your life in the presence of God and in response to God's Spirit in and around you.

Our relationship with God, like our relationship with our loved ones, is built and sustained on shared experience, intentional time spent together, common interests, passion and respect. Our relationship with God, like other relationships, takes a commitment of time, energy, emotional investment and the simple act of choosing to be with God. Prayer in the most basic sense is anything that draws our attention toward or raises our consciousness to God's presence in our lives and in the world.

Consider the many occasions when scripture tells us that Jesus went away and prayed. There are numerous times when he removed himself from his friends, family and the dailiness of his life and ministry in order to spend time with God, his Abba. As Christians no less is asked of us and no more is expected.

While we can have powerful experiences of the presence of God when we are with other people or in the midst of our daily lives, we, like Jesus, also need to take time away in order to reflect on those experiences and to make meaning of them in light of our faith and the particular circumstances and realities of our lives.

The dialectic between action or activity and contemplation or reflection is the very dialectic or rhythm upon which our Christians lives are based.

The Christian tradition is a storehouse of prayer and spirituality. There are numerous spiritualities, prayer styles, forms and disciplines within the Christian tradition, all of which reflect and have been developed from the unique ways in which the human heart has entered into its longing for God throughout the centuries.

The Christian tradition also recognizes that while our prayer life and relationship with God is a deeply personal reality, because we are Christians it also has a public or communal dimension to it. The revelations that we receive from God through prayer are not private matters. They need to be shared and tested out with others. The practice and ministry of spiritual direction has a long tradition in the Church as a means of supporting individuals in their prayer lives and of providing a place in which we can speak of our experience of God and place our experience in the context of our entire faith and faith community.

Faith sharing or theological reflection groups can also aid in the development and attention to our prayer lives and our relationship with God.

If interior freedom is the disposition necessary for a life of discernment, prayer is the means toward that end. Consider the ways in which you tend to your relationship with God. Are you intentional about it? Do you take time alone with God on a regular basis, even if “it doesn't feel like anything is happening.” Do you speak of your prayer life with others? A spiritual director or faith sharing group?

The awkwardness that comes from our initial response to God's love in our lives is not unlike the awkwardness of the first blush of love. Both hold the potential to grow through the awkwardness into authentic intimacy-they each take time, patience and the belief that we are indeed that loveable.

— Sister Mary Pellegrino

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